Fast Times at Rose Bowl High

And now for some On-Scene Reporting (yes this is a first and considering our dedication probably the last) from the UCLA vs CAL football game this past weekend. This story has something for everyone; drunken cougars, obnoxious co-eds, cussing med-students, cock fighting, and a shocking finale!

Before this adventure begins, let me start with a sidenote: Rose Bowl parking blows chunks! Moving on...

12:45PM: We arrive at our parking place on some golf course neighboring the Rose Bowl (great spot for a stadium!) after being guided by the highly-trained security crew of 12-yr olds. Safety first. We chug a few beers and begin the hike to the Bowl. With tasty barbecue aromas wafting in the air and footballs whizzing past us we navigated from the 15th hole bunker to the entrance.
1:15PM: Stop for quick hot dog and nacho purchase, feeling much happier.
1:25PM: Make it to our seats, which are located at field level (possibly even below field level) in the back of one of the end zones. I comment to the group "Damn we be close."
1:45PM: First spotting of extremely intoxicated cougar sitting across the aisle from us. Well sitting is not completely accurate, laying on the seat is more like it. One shoe missing, arms flailing uncontrollably. Best guess on age would put her at least 42 yrs old. We giggle to ourselves.
1:55PM: First of two UNREAL UCLA touchdown catches in our endzone. High fives all around.
2:15PM: UCLA male cheerleaders dazzle our section with their jazz hands.
2:30PM: Half-time. High School dance teams demonstrate ability to sway side-to-side while simultaneously holding a flag. Excitement overcomes the crowd.
2:45PM: Second UCLA touchdown catch in our endzone. Cal defender mistimes jump and UCLA receiver elevates for the sick grab. I comment to myself "I could've done that."
3:00PM: Hammered 42-yr old reaches tipping point and projectile vomiting ensues. Giggling stops.
3:15PM: Something happens on the other end of the field, probably was pretty cool.
3:30PM: Apparently CAL has been scoring too cause look up and they have the lead 21-20 starting the 4th Qtr. Also the slurred cuss words from some girl wearing a CAL sweatshirt have drowned out the fight songs. "F-you UCLA! Who smarter! Who smarter! F-all y'all!" I find out later that she is a soon-to-be doctor. She just wants to help people.
3:45PM: Dramatic late 4th Qtr drive by CAL (trailing 23-21 after a Bruin field goal) leads to a 3rd down and 5 yards to go with about 2 minutes remaining at the Bruin 30 yard line. CAL runs a short sideline route but pass is delivered late and UCLA defender cuts in front and picks it off running down the sideline all the way to the house. Pandemonium overtakes the Rose Bowl. Lots of "did that just happen?" looks around me.
4:00PM: We begin to leave the Stadium as chants of OVVVERR-RAAATEED! rumble from the UCLA fans. 86,000 screaming people, college football at its best.
4:35PM: We somehow find our car. Exiting the golf course the "Zipper Effect" losing out to the "My Car Is Bigger Than Your's Effect". Isn't road rage grand?
5-6:00PM: Drive home is peppered with yet more sights of human stupidity consisting of one car backing up on the freeway (I guess she missed her exit), two separate incidents of roadside peeing (girls look funny trying to do that, very classy), and of course countless numbers of fans sticking their heads out sunroofs chanting indecipherable gibberish. College education at it's best.

Final Thought: Listening to the bands of UCLA and CAL battle during the game I was greatly confused to learn that both schools have the exact same fight song. Talk about a mind-f*#k!