Bubblicious

Who coined the phrase “On the Bubble”? Where did this start? Does one single person take credit for it? And why has it grown to monumental proportions? These are the things I think about.

It’s not that I don’t understand the metaphor. Bubbles burst eventually and therefore the NCAA Tournament future of teams is “uncertain”. But who started this terminology? Does he/she just sit back every year in March and smile at the phenomenon that is the bubble? I bet he says “I started that!” to everyone he knows and they all just roll their eyes at him thinking there goes crazy uncle Les again…

I always believed bubbles were fun happy things. So logically being on the bubble doesn’t sound negative to me. In fact, it sounds light and fluffy. Little kids play with bubbles at the park. They bring smiles and joy to children. I’m guessing that Arizona State and Virginia Tech will probably not be playing with bubbles outside or taking bubble baths anytime soon. It’s not fair that these bubble-related activities hold no more fun and enjoyment for these people.

So maybe next time bracketology comes around say in ’09, we will replace the phrase “on the bubble” with one of the following options (using UMASS as the example team):

1. UMASS is at the prom waiting to see if they’re gonna get lucky (SHORTENED VERSION: Will UMASS see what’s under that prom dress?)

2. UMASS is like the guy who farted in a crowded elevator; he must keep his cool quiet confidence and hope he gets to his floor next.

3. UMASS is the last brownie at a party, will they get eaten?

4. UMASS desperately wants to make love to a schoolboy.

5. Just like a U.S. Senator in an airport bathroom, UMASS must tap their foot and wait.

Let's make the change before more people are scarred and cannot play with bubbles anymore.

March Madness

Selection Sunday had more than just your typical surprise snubs this year. It also included a major fall of one of the largest U.S. financial institutions; Bear Stearns. It appears that the Company was not happy about the tournament seedings and decided to lose all its money. The CEO strongly disagreed with the selection committee's decision to not include his alma mater Yale University. He thought it was a safe bet. Literally. He was, of course wrong. Just like taking on billions of dollars of sub-prime home loans made on overvalued houses to under-qualified buyers. Guess that one didn’t work out so well either. Oops.

No one has seen a plummet this big since the Mets last season. It's left people yelling "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" And not in a funny Jerry Maguire kinda-way.

The 6th Man

In case any of you missed it this weekend, the UCLA Bruins and Stanford Cardinal both managed close victories advancing into the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament. The Bruins were down 11 points to Texas A&M in the second half and needed monster performances from Kevin Love (7 blocks and 2 key fadeaways in the final minutes) and Darren Collison (5 threes and 1 game winning layup) down the stretch to pull it out. Stanford's coach Trent Johnson was ejected in the first half of their game against Marquette and the Cardinal pulled out a thrilling 82-81 Overtime win riding the 7 foot twins Robin and Brook Lopez to the victory.

Being dedicated sports journalists, Robert and I were on the scene in Anaheim to bring you the freshest analysis of the Bruin and Stanford wins. Here are the major observations from the day:

1. Beer and Pistachios make for great pre-game meal
2. The Lopez twins are big
3. Texas A&M has some crazy elaborate male cheerleader routines
4. Big West Refs are terrible
5. Someone sitting in our section has some serious gas issues- could be Boob
6. People are annoying, especially dude sitting in front of us who insists on talking to anyone who'll listen (or not) about how he knows the game. He doesn't. Feel sorry for his kid.
7. Stanford Band Leader rocks! She blows away the competition with her suspenders and dance moves. The big hand props are gold!
8. Kevin Love is good
9. Darren Collison is fast
10. Hugging strangers is only acceptable in a few situations; one of which is in celebration of a fellow sports team's amazing victory. The Honda Center was pumping!

After the Bruin Game, Kevin Love said "we won this game because of the fans, especially BJ and Bob." Literally, he said that. Or figuratively. The point is he was right. K Love correctly gave props to us for that win. We deserved it. Duh. Which brings me to my point; the 6th man in basketball is the most powerful in all sports. If you don't believe ME, then listen to this highly-technical analysis from our resident Doctor with a real Ph. D. and everything; Dr. Smith:

"K Love was right on with the props there. Fact: fans play a larger role in basketball than really any other team sport. It's simple if you think about it. In football fans are the 12th man, same in soccer, but in basketball the fans are the sixth man, which makes a lot more of a difference. Six is 20% more than 5 while twelve is only 9% more than eleven. That is the reason that golf fans have to be quiet - because 2 on 1 is really unfair."

It's SCIENCE.

NCAA Tourney: Bitter Kickoff

The Georgia Bulldogs got hosed. Period. The Cinderella story that captured the hearts of America last week in the SEC Tournament came to a premature close this morning in the first round of the NCAA Tourney. The Bulldogs overcame a tornado and a double-header game (let’s play two!) to win the SEC Tournament and receive the automatic bid to the Big Dance last week. The result of their 3 wins in 30 hours and 4 wins in 4 days (Georgia had only managed 4 SEC League wins ALL SEASON) was a 14-seed and a matchup with Xavier in the first round.

Georgia jumped out to an early lead and had an 11-point advantage with just over 12 minutes left to play in the second half. That’s when the officiating decided to affect the outcome of the game. Every single drive to the basket by Xavier was met with tenacious interior defense and yet the whistles kept blowing. Clean block after clean block called fouls by those foot locker dudes. Tight calls for Xavier and NO CALLS for Georgia. The end result was 33 free throw attempts versus 5. I think you can guess who shot the 33.

Sure you might ask did you pick Georgia for the upset win in your bracket? And the answer would be SOOOOO! Could I be bitter over losing 5 of the first 7 games? Yes, but that is neither here nor there. The free throw differential in this game was ridiculous. That is a difference of 28 attempts for you counting at home. That’s insurmountable. And both teams were playing very physical in this game. The lack of consistent refereeing truly cost this Cinderella story. Even my little niece (who is 4 months old) was upset over the hose-job. They upset the baby. And that is unacceptable. Apologize to the baby.

This Just In: Pat Riley Used to Winning

Breaking News: Pat Riley to follow in Dwayne Wade’s footsteps and have season ending surgery. Although he does not actually play for the team and has no significant injury, he feels it is best to focus on next season and start his rehab from Lasik Eye Surgery right away. Vision problems began while watching his team play this season.

Some have questioned the timing of Riley’s decision commenting “but he just sits on the sideline” and “he never had vision problems before.” Riley plans to recover by watching his soon-to-be first round draft picks play basketball in college tournaments. He also wants to get back to other hobbies of his that include watching ESPN Classic and polishing his rings.

On a sidenote, Shawn Marion officially labeled the most selfish athlete in pro sports winning the “I-Love-Stats-And-Don’t-Care-About-Winning Award”. Congratulations to him. He took the award away from 5-time back to back winner and “teammate” Ricky Davis.