NBA-tastic!

The NBA season kicks off morgen after an off-season filled with referee gambling scandals, huge franchise player trades, and of course Stephen Jackson shooting at someone in a club. He crazy. But don't frown David Stern, at least no one employed by your league has been torturing any puppies this off-season. It could be worse.

What to Watch For: Yes the NBA Season is long (nothing compared to baseball yawn) and yes sometimes watching an early season game can result in Damn-This-Is-Lame Disease BUT there is still plenty of exciting things for us to enjoy. Let me enlighten you with these awesome lists!

My Favorite Players:
1.Steve Nash (Phoenix Suns)- representing for all white guys in the world. OH CANADA!
2.Dwight Howard (Orlando Magic)-bringing the power and the funk back. Gotta love it.
3.Kobe Bryant (LA Lakers)- best player in the game, has every shot and every move and does it with ease. Doesn't hurt that he plays for my team (or at least he did when I wrote this).
4.KG (Boston Celtics)-this guy loves to play bball and it shows on the court. I wonder if I will start to hate him as the Celts beat up on Lakes this season. He could be off the list soon.
5.Gilbert Arenas (Washington Wizards)-aka Hibachi, Agent Zero, Magic Man. This guy has GAME. And he has a chip on his shoulder, which means he competes harder and harder every season to prove the doubters wrong.

Prediction Time, here is my Top 5 Teams:
1.Spurs
2.Suns
3.Mavs (only if they don't play the Warriors)
4.Celtics (haven't seen them play but this is a superstar league and they have 3 of 'em)
5.Rockets (Definitely could see them making a push although they are situated in the brutal Southwest Division. They have underachieved since McGrady and Yao united so if they stay healthy who knows)

My picks to win each division.
Pacific Division: Suns
Can't deny the regular season success of D'Antoni's system. And when you have the best playmaker in the league setting the table for all these weapons (Amare, Matrix, Diaw, Barbosa, Bell) it is almost impossible to stop. And fun to watch to boot. Like the pickup of Grant Hill in the offseason, adds one more big-time clutch veteran guy to the mix.

Southwest Division: Spurs
This division is loaded, in fact three of my top five in the league are in this one division. Texas not only has the monopoly on spoiled rich no-good sons of oil barons but also three of the best teams in the NBA. Go figure.

Northwest Division: Nuggets
"We're talkin bout PRAAACTICE man. Praactice." I do believe the Nuggets will figure out a way to share the ball (among AI, Melo, the return of Martin, Nene) and gel together as a team. Carmelo continues to improve and barring no more swinging left hook suspensions, I predict they will beat out the Jazz in a tight divisional race.

Atlantic Division: Celtics
"Me and KGeeeee!" Yes the Big Ticket is in Boston and joining him there will be none other than Jesus Shuttlesworth, the Chosen One. As if things couldn't get any better for the city of Boston already. Oh yeah and Paul Pierce is still there too. Should make for some killer highlights. This WAS a race between the Raptors and the Nets last season, but too much money for Vinsanity (and his fadeaways) in his offseason contract extension will doom the Nets and Toronto is in Canada. 'Nough said.

Southeast Division: Magic
This young up and coming team is going to surprise some people this season. Howard is a beast and continues to improve. I think he turns 16 later this year. He young. His experience on the Olympic team and his work ethic are sure fire signs of more great things to come from this man child. Picking up Lewis in the off-season was a good, albeit pricey move ($118Mill over 6 years if you're wondering) and I think Nelson at PG has great potential. Wizards will be in the fight, especially if Hibachi can keep hitting game winners. Heat will be in it if D Wade is healthy.

Central Division: Pistons
Detroit is always a contender and I predict another division title this year although the Baby Bulls continue to get better and better, just not there yet. If Deng's learning curve can grow as much as it did last season then the sky is the limit for that team full of young talent. I can't believe I am still talking about the East. Next!

Feel Good Story of '07-'08 Season:
Last year we got the Warriors in the playoffs with Baron and his celebrity bay area friends marching through the Playoffs. Not to mention D Fischer's remarkable story and perseverance hitting game winners all while dealing with his son's illness. This year I think the feel good team will be none-other than the Charlotte Bobcats. Yes that's right, I said it here first. The Bobcats. Riding the momentum built from pre-game warmup mix tapes by part-owner Nelly and halftime pep talks from part-owner Michael Jordan, they will rise to above .500 ball. Which in the East is like a 3 seed right?

OK that's the scoop, I wish I had better predictions for the LA teams but losing Brand in the pre-season is a brutal blow to the Clips and the Kobe drama for the Lakers will be a distraction all season long. Let me know what you think.

Trade Kobe

Dear Laker Front Office:

Please trade Kobe Bryant.

Please ship this malcontent to another team, so we may be rid of the non-stop soap opera and get back to what matters: winning basketball games. He complained about not being the Alpha Dog while Shaq was in town. He pouted about the treatment he received from Phil in his first tenure with the team. He forced the Lakers to trade Shaq by filing for free agency. And now he complains about not having adequate talent around him to win a title. Nothing can please Kobe, and even when he gets what he wants he changes his mind and blames everyone else for creating his mess.

Please stop being blinded by his jaw-dropping highlights to realize that he is all flash and no substance. Yes, he scored 81 points in a game and has the uncanny ability to knock down game-winners, but he has won all of 4 playoff games in the post-Shaq era. His teams have finished 7th in the division the last two seasons and been sent home in the first round of the playoffs both times. And it could be argued that there is more collective talent on these teams than there was on the championship squads. Currently, he is surrounded by Odom, Bynum, Turiaf, Walton, Evans, Crittendon, Farmar, Fisher, Radman, Mihm, and Brown. Those championship teams had Shaq, Fisher, Fox, Horry, Green, Shaw, and Devean George. Oh, and I forgot about Madsen. With the exception of Shaq, the young talent surrounding Kobe now is arguably as good if not better than the savvy veterans on the championship teams. If he is as valuable as he outwardly should be, he would be able to take this group of young, talented players and move them beyond the first round. In fact, he seemed poised to do just that last season as the team started 26-13. Then the injuries mounted, the wheels came off, and the painful off-season began. A true leader, a selfless teammate, and a team legend would have carried the team through the injuries, through a disappointing first-round exit and vowed to come back stronger, more committed, and more supportive of the team the next season. Unfortunately, Kobe lacks such leadership skills. He is not capable of carrying teammates. He is only adept at bashing them to fans outside of supermarkets, in the media, and also behind closed doors. I don’t question his unparalleled desire to compete. I question his ability to lead, to support, and to be a teammate. Without those skills all we are left with are memories of an 81 point game against Toronto and first-round flameouts against Phoenix. Individual triumphs and team failures.

Please realize that the only way to win another championship is to begin by trading the best player in the game.*

* = any trade must be for a player or group of players from Phoenix, Dallas, Washington, or Chicago as mentioned in an article on ESPN.com. Any trade involving the Lakers acquiring crappy players is not acceptable.

Mystical Magical Creatures

OK so we have all heard of Ligers, I mean they're prally like my favorite animal. BUT can you imagine my disbelief when I came across the much lesser-known yet just as special Zonkey. Yes you heard correctly, the Zonkey, half-Zeebra half-Donkey. This plucky side-kick character is best known for his witty comments and surprising quickness. I challenge anyone to try and catch a Zonkey. It just can't be done. Seriously, they will make you look foolish and then crack a joke about it.

How does this pertain to sports you ask? Well I was watching a Lakers pre-season game the other night (pathetic I know) and it just hit me like a ton of bricks, Kobe Bryant is a mystical magical creature much like the legendary Liger. He is not simply one genotype like most of us, but a special combination of equally bad-ass yet different types. Kobe is a hybrid between Michael Jordan, Jerry West, Oscar Robertson, and Keyshawn Johnson.

Let's analyze it, he has MJ's ability to get to the hoop and hang for the finish. Not to mention his tenacity on the defensive-end. He even sounds like him in his interviews, I am still waiting for the patented Jordan-tongue to show up sometime soon. Then of course you have all those game-winners, is there anyone you would rather have with the ball as the clock winds down than Mr. Clutch? Jerry West is the fracken Logo of the NBA shooting a 63 foot game-tying bucket, you can't get more money than that and clearly Kobe has those "no pressure genes" in him. And then on to the ball-handling skills reminiscent of another shooting guard known simply as "The Big O". His handles are not just impressive visually but more importantly they are effective dribbling skills. Of course he has some Keyshawn Johnson in him as he definitely wants the damn ball (which as all Lakers fans know led to superman heading east).

Anyways, let me know what you think. Maybe there is a better combo describing Kobe's skills? Are there other athletes in your opinion that appear to be a cross between previous greats? How about a little discussion on what combination would make the greatest athlete? All sports included, football, bball, baseball, ping-pong, jai-alai, etc.
Let me throw out a mix of ernie mckracken and donny (from Big Lebowski) as the ultimate bowling machine. "You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels". Unstoppable.