When Animals Strike... Out

You know you have all thought about it before. Every time the Discovery Channel runs a special on gorillas and their uncanny ability to reason like humans, you think it. It was only a matter of time. And now baseball marks the beginning of the end. Animals have made up their mind, putting their respective talons/paws into the circle of sporting events...

As if baseball needed to add more fuel to the Red Sox vs. Yankees rivalry (all the media outlets do more than enough already), now we have Mother Nature weighing in on the discussion. Yes, apparently the red-tailed Hawks of the world are pulling for the Sox. Which side the always cantankerous Sea Otters will fall has yet to be determined. But what is known is the fact that if you are named anything remotely close to Alex Rodriguez, steer clear of Fenway. 13 year old Alexa Rodriguez (no relation) was taking a tour of Boston's Ballpark today when she was abruptly attacked by a hawk. Coincidence? I think not.

The only the logical conclusion is that the Boston Grounds Crew has been training this Hawk to attack anytime Alex Rodriguez enters the ballpark. Much like Derek Zoolander and the song Relax, this bird has been preconditioned to strike whenever the code word is spoken. Obviously the Hawk mistook Alexa for pretty boy Yankee third baseman and primary target Alex Rodriguez.
But this does pose the question; how many teams are employing animal services in their tactics to win titles? We already know the U.S. armed forces utilizes the skills of dolphins in complicated underwater bomb-defusing operations. And of course the power of dolphins in sporting events is well-documented by Snowflake in Ace Ventura. If I had to guess the percentage of teams using animal espionage I would say it is at least 82%. Some might say that is too low, but my gut says this is just as commonplace as Jose Canseco injecting dudes in the butt. It happens a lot.

All you have to do is look at the MLB Postseason las year, or as I like to call it When Flies Attack! Yankees were playing in Cleveland with Joba Chamberlain on the mound pitching well when all of a sudden things changed dramatically. Cleveland released their secret weapon. Flies swarmed Yankee players causing millions of people to feel really itchy. And most importantly resulting in Joba throwing wild pitch after wild pitch costing the Yankees the game. Nature always wins my friends. Think about it.